How to cope with stress - Part 1
Your basement flooded, your dog is sick and needs to go to the vet, you also need to help your parents move into a senior home, and on top of that you need to stop at the Target to grab supplies for your kids’ school project. You find yourself lashing out at your kids and eating more than usual and you wish you could curl up on your couch and binge on Downton Abbey. When everything comes down all at once and you feel flooded with responsibilities and feelings; this tool will help you to cope with stress and understand when your tolerance for stress is low and what you can do to turn it up a few notches. It is called the window of tolerance and I use an analogy of an open window to explain it.
In normal circumstances with a balanced amount of stress, you window is open and you are able to cope with stress. But when the stress piles up one after another, our window closes and our ability to cope with stress shrinks.
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When your window closes, you either move into a state of overwhelm (hyperarousal) or into a state of lethargy (hypoarousal). In a state of overwhelm or hyperarousal, people have emotional outbursts, feel out of control and experience overwhelming anger or anxiety. Examples of hyperarousal are when you lash out at loved ones or feel jittery and shaky.
A state of lethargy or hypoarousal is characterized by a need to numb your feelings. For example, sleeping too much, binge eating, binge watching, using excessive alcohol and drugs or spacing out. It is normal to binge every now and then, but when you use it to avoid difficult feelings, it is time to have an honest look at your binging habits.
It is worth mentioning that the behaviors in both states are normal reactions to stress, so don’t beat yourself up when you find yourself in a state of overwhelm or lethargy. The goal is to identify these states and open your window of tolerance by doing self-care. The four steps below will help you to stay within the open range of your window of tolerance.
Step 1 to cope with stress
Identify what closes your window of tolerance
Knowing what makes your window smaller, will help you to proactively put strategies in place to keep your window open. For instance, if you know your window shrinks when you are dehydrated - carry water with you. Or maybe it shrinks when you are stressed- block a few minutes off, a couple of times a day to do self-care. Other factors that can close your window are toxic people, stressful situations, medical concerns or physical pain. Reminders or triggers of painful incident(s) can make you feel vulnerable and shrink your window too. A therapist can help you to identify these triggers and talk about ways to proactively open your window. Look out for the next post to download a personalized worksheet about the window of tolerance.
Step 2 to cope with stress
Identify signs of overwhelm and hyperarousal
In this state you feel overwhelmed and out of control. Examples of hyperarousal are anger outbursts, overwhelming anxiety, impulsivity, difficulty sleeping, struggling to concentrate, unable to make meaningful connections with loved ones or when you have a strong impulse to run away, fight or argue.
Step 3 to cope with stress
Identify signs of lethargy and hypoarousal
In this state you feel shut down, frozen or zoned out. Examples of hypoarousal are binge watching, binge eating, excessive alcohol use, drug use, feeling numb, spacing out and an inability to stay present.
Step 4 to cope with stress
Make a list of self-care and coping skills
Be ahead of your game by making a list of coping strategies to counter these two states. The power of this step is to do it while you are while as the hyper and hypoarousal states affect ones ability to creatively problem solve.
The two states activate different parts of our nervous systems which mean you’ll need a different set of coping tools for each state. To counter the hyperarousal state, coping skills should focus on releasing energy, such as slowly releasing a breathe, shaking or stomping out excess energy, working out or doing heavy labor such as lifting or pulling. If the hyperarousal state is triggered by painful memories, it can be helpful to remind yourself “I am safe” or “It is over”.
Coping skills for the hypoarousal state should focus on activities to help you stay in the present moment by involving the five senses such as smelling essential oils, eating crunchy food, listening to music and painting. Painful memories can trigger the hypoarousal state too. Remind yourself that you are safe when these traumatic memories get triggered.
These four steps will help to identify and manage situations that closes your window of tolerance. So next time when everything comes down all at once, (hopefully the basement won’t flood again) you will have a list of coping strategies to better manage stressful situations. Look out for the next blog post to download the personalized worksheet about the window of tolerance.
Information on this website is provided for information purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for the advice provided by a mental health therapist or other healthcare professional. No information offered here should be interpreted as a diagnosis of any disorder, nor an attempt to treat or prevent or cure any disease or condition. Names, characters, places, and incidents on this website are for illustrative purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
