Four facts about feelings - Everyone should know

You have to feel it to heal it. Feelings are key to your emotional healing, and these four truths will help you understand your feelings better and see it for what it is- just feelings.

The actress, Rachel Evan Woods came forward about the terrible abuse she experienced in her relationship with Marilyn Manson. "In a 2019 interview, Wood said, 'I used to think being strong was not being affected. And now, to me, being strong is letting it affect you but being able to move past it, and seeing the pain, walking through it, letting it flow through you, and then letting it leave. You can break and still be strong.'”

#1 fact about feelings everyone should know

Feelings are not facts.

Sarah was driving back home after a long day of work. It was a busy day; she clocked 14 hours from 8 am to 10 pm. While Sarah did a mental run through her to-do list, a car suddenly hit her. Her car swung and hit another car, it was a fatal accident, and a dad of two children died. Sarah felt responsible for this dad's death; she felt guilty because her car hit him, and she believed if she was more alert, she would have seen the car and could have prevented the accident. No matter how many times the police officers and family members told her it was not her fault, Sarah blamed herself and was distraught by guilt which affected her sleep and work. She told her therapist, “It must be my fault because I feel guilty.”

Sarah’s guilt tells us that she deeply cares about people. It tells us that she does not wish to harm anyone. The guilt might point back to misplaced feelings related to her dad’s passing when she was young. But Sarah’s guilt is not sufficient evidence to prove her guilt for the accident. No jury would find someone guilty if the only evidence for the crime is a feeling. Our feelings carry important information about our inner world. Feelings tell us what is important to us and what we care about. It gives us pointers to take better care of ourselves. Feelings have many functions, but feelings are not facts.

#2 fact about feelings everyone should know

Feeling your feelings will help you heal.

Sarah did not allow herself to feel anything else, other than guilt. She said, “If I allow myself to feel sad, I will fall apart. I will not be able to work. I will not be able to put the pieces back together again”. I often hear this in my therapy room, but in reality, the opposite is true. If you avoid your feelings, you are actually boycotting your healing. Sitting with your feelings and allowing ourselves to feel is an important part of healing and will help you get better, not fall apart.

If there is construction on the I-75, most of us will use our GPS to find a detour, hoping we will reach our destination faster and with less frustration. The opposite is true for emotional healing; the only way to reach your destination is to sit with your feelings and “feel all the feels.” There is no detour to emotional healing. The emotional construction might be messy, scary, slow, and frustrating, but once you move through the feelings- instead of avoiding it- you’ll notice a swift change in your mood.

#3 fact about feelings everyone should know

Feelings come and go.

The good news is that once you feel your feelings, they will naturally dissolve and help you move forward. Feelings are like the four seasons; they come and go. The rain comes, and the rain goes. It won’t always rain; even a wet monsoon has a beginning and end. The same applies to feelings, anger will come, and it will go. Allowing yourself to feel angry and sad does not mean you will be angry or sad for the rest of your life.

#4 fact about feelings everyone should know

Feelings do not define who you are.

Sarah was ashamed to express her anger about the car accident. She said it was wrong to express anger because it would mean she is ungrateful to have survived. Sarah had many reasons to be angry; her brand new car had to be replaced, she missed work for a couple of days, and she was scared to drive on the freeway, something she never struggled with before. Once Sarah learned her feelings do not define her and it is unhelpful to judge it, she healthily expressed and sat with her feelings. After a couple of days, her quality of sleep improved.

Allowing yourself to feel anger does not make you an angry person. The same applies to sadness or fear, or any other feeling. We need to see feelings for what it is, just feelings, that help us heal and point us to our inner world. Feeling helps you to know who you are and what you care about. Feelings are not a personality trait; they are just feelings. Pete Scazzero describes feelings as the language of our souls. If we don’t listen to it, our souls feel uncared for and can not heal. Feelings are the language of your inner world, they are not facts, and they do not define who you are. Feelings are temporary, and like Woods said, allowing yourself to feel will help you heal.

Information on this website is provided for information purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for the advice provided by a mental health therapist or other healthcare professional. No information offered here should be interpreted as a diagnosis of any disorder, nor an attempt to treat or prevent or cure any disease or condition. Names, characters, places, and incidents on this website are for illustrative purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.