How to feel the feels

If you are a survivor of trauma, it can be difficult to “sit” with your feelings, and you might be tempted to deny or avoid them. You might even try to numb it by binge-watching, overeating, oversleeping, working too much, excessive workouts, or drinking too much. Some people judge themselves for feeling a certain way. I shouldn’t be angry; it could have been worse. Or it’s been years; I shouldn’t feel sad. I should be over this by now. Judgment creates avoidance, which will ultimately keep you stuck in the past. There is truth in the saying, “Feel it to heal it.”

Sitting with feelings is hard and takes practice, but this easy-to-remember tool, called RAIN, will guide you. This tool was developed by the meditation guru Tara Brach. You can use this tool when you experience challenging feelings, difficult situations, or even during times of self-reflection. It will help you to tap into your feelings, examine thought patterns, and nurture yourself. “Sitting” with your feelings will ultimately help you to heal.

RAIN is the abbreviation for

Recognize what is going on
Allow the experience to be there
Investigate with interest and care
Nurture with self-compassion

Click here to download the infographic.

RECOGNIZE

Recognize what is going on in your inner world. Ask yourself What wants my attention the most? How am I feeling? What challenging situation am I going through, and how does it make me feel? Recognize what you are most aware of. You can gently whisper what you are recognizing. You might recognize that you had a flashback or are on guard. Or you might recognize that you have low energy and feel hopeless.

ALLOW

Allow yourself to sit non-judgementally with your feelings and thoughts. Try not to judge it, fix it or avoid it. Allowing yourself to feel does not mean you encourage those feelings; it simply means you notice what is going on in your inner world. Gently acknowledge what you notice by saying it out loud. For example, “I notice a sense of hopelessness and low energy.”

INVESTIGATE

To investigate means to ask What wants my attention the most? What am I feeling in my body? How does it reflect in my body? You might notice a tightness, pressure, or a rawness. Pay special attention to your shoulders, neck, throat, and stomach area. Be curious and non-judgmental. Allow your body to fully experience these feelings by adjusting your posture and facial expression accordingly. Sit with it…

Knowing that feelings come and go.

Feelings do not define you.

Feelings are the language of your inner world.

Next, ask yourself, what am I thinking? Maybe you are telling yourself, I am not good enough. No one cares. I am unsafe. I am unloveable. I can’t do this.

You can investigate it further, by asking, Where is this coming from or what triggered this? You might notice something that reminded you of a painful memory. It might have been the way your manager looked at you or a smell you associate with a painful memory. Notice it without any judgment.

NURTURE

Ask yourself What do I need? How can I take care of myself? You might need comforting words like I am safe, it is just a memory. It is in the past. Or It is not my fault. I am here for you. You are okay. I love you. I love you. I will take care of you. Play around with these phrases and notice what brings the most comfort. After these comforting words, you might want to find more healing by allowing yourself to notice God’s closeness.

After RAIN

After you completed these four steps, notice if there are any shifts and celebrate the connection you had with your body and feelings. You allowed yourself to sit with your feelings, which is a big step forward on any healing journey. Congratulations!

Note from Azeldri

I adjusted the RAIN tool to meet my clients' unique needs, who are predominantly survivors of trauma. I encourage you to use this tool in a manner that is most comforting to you. You can visit Tara Brach’s website for more resources and click here to listen to one of her guided RAIN meditations. Remember to download the infographic.

Information on this website is provided for information purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for the advice provided by a mental health therapist or other healthcare professional. No information offered here should be interpreted as a diagnosis of any disorder, nor an attempt to treat or prevent or cure any disease or condition. Names, characters, places, and incidents on this website are for illustrative purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.