How to stop comparing yourself
It is natural to compare yourself to others. Comparison should lead to inspiration and gratitude, not envy and thoughts such as “I am not good enough?” Even though comparison is a natural behavior, it can easily steal your joy and self-contentment if you constantly compare yourself with others. In this blog, I share five ways to stop comparing yourself to others.
Step 1 to stop comparing yourself to others
Be more aware
The first step to solve any issue is first to be aware of the issue. For instance, to work on your anger, you must first acknowledge you have an anger problem. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings and reactions is the first step in changing any behavior. You might have a vague idea that you are comparing yourself to others. But are you able to identify these thoughts of comparison in the moment and stop them?
It takes practice to be aware of your thoughts. In the book Aware, Daniel Siegel wrote that we need to step away from our thoughts and observe them from a distance. For instance, don’t just think about your friend and the promotion she got, but be aware that your thoughts tend to drift to your friend, the promotion, and the increase in their household income. To be aware of your thoughts without being consumed by them takes practice. Luckily, it an easy practice and will soon become a habit. To explain this, I often use the analogy of learning how to drive. At first, it feels unnatural and overwhelming to drive, but later on, it gets muscle memory, and driving is more natural and automatic. The same goes for mindfulness and awareness of your thoughts; it will become more natural the more you practice it. Fortunately, there are a few apps available that can help you get started on practicing mindfulness, like Smiling Minds (Free) and Balance.
Step 2 to stop comparing yourself to others
Check-in with yourself
Once you are aware that you are comparing yourself to others, check in with yourself by asking, “How does this make me feel?” A healthy form of comparison should lead to inspiration and gratitude, not envy and anxiety or thoughts such as “I am not good enough?” Even though comparison is a natural behavior, it can easily steal your joy and self-contentment if you constantly compare yourself with others.
Step 3 to stop comparing yourself to others
Compare the whole picture
Chelsie scrolled on Instagram and wished her home was as modern as the influencer on Instagram. Then she saw a picture of a friend’s daughter in the choir and felt irritated with her own daughter, who refuses to participate in any cultural activities. As she scrolled, she saw another friend who got a promotion and another friend who went on vacation again. “I am not doing enough,” Chelsie thought.
Thoughts of self-doubt can pop up if you compare one part of your life to one part of another person’s life without seeing the whole picture. What we see on social media and sometimes in real life is not always the whole picture. It might appear as if your friend who just got promoted has a perfect life, but she didn’t tell you of her husband’s affair. Or you wish you had enough money to renovate your home like your co-worker, but your co-worker didn’t share that her husband works over 70 hours a week. Or maybe you feel your life is dull because you don’t travel as much as your friends, without considering that you have three small children and your friends have not started with a family yet. Thoughts of self-doubt can pop up if you compare one part of your life to one part of another person’s life without seeing the whole picture.
Step 4 to stop comparing yourself to others.
Remind yourself of your strengths, goals, and values
It is easy to forget your own successes and strengths when you compare yourself to others. Besides comparing whole pictures with each other, you can remind yourself of your successes, strengths, or values. For instance, maybe you don’t go on vacation because you save money for your retirement. Remind yourself that you’ve saved money and are working towards your early retirement goal. Or, maybe your household income is less than your friend’s because you value quality family time, which is more important than a high income. Remind yourself of your values and that every family is different. Remind yourself that even though your daughter refuses to participate in cultural activities, she excels in sport.
Here are a few pointers to stop comparing yourself to others.
Remind yourself everyone is different. I am unique. Or I’ve been dealt a different hand, and I have to make the most of it.
Remind yourself of your values. I would like to have …(a bigger home) but value…(family time) more.
Wish the person well. I am grateful my friend got a promotion. I wish her the best.
Practice gratitude. I am thankful my daughter is healthy and can express herself through sport.
Step 5 to stop comparing yourself to others.
Be your best self, and you won’t feel as prone to compare.
People who have a vision are less prone to compare themselves because they know what they want out of life. When you strive to be the best version of yourself and work towards your goals, you will be less prone to compare yourself to others. People with clear goals and values tend to be less influenced by the latest trends and fashions. Of course, they will naturally compare themselves, but it is far more likely that comparison will evoke feelings of gratitude and inspiration instead of anxiety and envy. The latter is often associated with unhealthy forms of comparison.
In this blog, I shared five steps that will help you to stop comparing yourself to others in ways that are destructive. These five steps are
Be aware of thoughts of comparison
Check-in with yourself
Compare the whole picture
Remind yourself of your strengths, goals, and values
Be your best self, and you won’t feel as prone to compare.
Information on this website is provided for information purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for the advice provided by a mental health therapist or other healthcare professional. No information offered here should be interpreted as a diagnosis of any disorder, nor an attempt to treat or prevent or cure any disease or condition. Names, characters, places, and incidents on this website are for illustrative purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
